PERFECTLY POSITIONED IN THE LEADERSHIP UNIVERSE

Perfectly Positioned in the Leadership Universe

Inc. Magazine ®, in their June 2013 edition had an extraordinary article aptly titled: Between Venus and Mars: 7 traits of true leaders, by Leigh Buchanan.  The focus of the article was highlighting some of the seismic shifts in the needs of people today as it pertains to their relationship to/with those who call themselves or are exercising leadership.  A rigorous study found that most people today desire and require a more historically “feminine” approach to leadership.  What was once stereotyped as “soft” now is foundational.  As a matter of fact, Norm Broadsky would assert, “it takes a tender leader to run a tough company.”

In this article they list seven traits that are most desired in followership today.  They are: Empathy. Vulnerability. Humility. Inclusiveness. Generosity. Balance. Patience. For my next several blog posts, I am going to explore each of these traits and their antithesis.  For I believe that there is much to be learned from the tug of war that happens between the two. 

For instance, Empathy is great and needed, yet some still believe that independence is just as important.  We wrestle the need to put ourselves in others shoes, while at the same time desiring and needing to manage the walking that happens in our own.  And, I believe that life’s most significant moments happen in the flux of the tug-of-war.  My goal is not to argue one point over another, but to illuminate the idea that at different points in life, in different seats, across different generations all of the traits are needed. Those who lead well know when to ‘hold ‘em and when to fold ‘em.’  Stay Tuned, we’re going to take a ride to the stars and see if we can position leadership comfortably between Venus and Mars.

Peace, Love and Blessings,

T2

To read the Inc. Article:  http://www.inc.com/magazine/201306/leigh-buchanan/traits-of-true-leaders_pagen_2.html

FURTHER FASTER ON FATHER’S DAY

Warning: if you have a problem with men being vulnerable and expressing love…this post may be hazardous to your psyche and will put you in a state of discomfort.  (Oh well…kick rocks!) 

As I sit here in sunny Southern California reflecting on my life (which I often do when traveling by myself). Father’s Day and what it means to me will not leave me alone. I’ve been brought to tears three times this evening in reflection…so i had to write.  

I am a son, a father, uncle and father figure to countless children whom I’ve had the privilege of serving the last 15 years of my life. I am blessed if I am anything. A great leader, Andy Stanley, whose podcasts I listen to regularly talks about a concept called “further faster.” The idea is that all of us are standing on the shoulders of someone(s).  I have been blessed to stand on the shoulders of some GIANTS!  People who have accelerated me, not because of any genius or master plan of my own, but because they are who they are, and they care about me, I have an extra measure of nitro in my engine, and have been able to go ‘further faster’ because of who they are.   

I am blessed to have three fathers who have been GIANTS with me from the time I was born. Each of them have blessed my life and made me the man I am in different ways. I’d like to talk about my three fathers and express my gratitude for helping me get further faster.

HEAVENLY

I am blessed to have grown up in a home where I was taught at a very young age to know and love my heavenly father; my first father. I believe with all my heart that before I was in my mother’s womb, my heavenly father, through some amazing display of grace that I still don’t understand, allowed me an opportunity to have a wonderful life, and wonderful family, a great career, and more opportunities to love than I can handle. There’s a passage in the Bible that says ‘when my mother and father forsake me, my heavenly father will pick me up.’ I have experienced nothing but ‘pick me ups’ from my heavenly father. He loves me when I’m a knucklehead. He still provides for me when I’m headed in the wrong direction. He still cares about what goes on in my life even though there are many times (even to this day) when I act like I don’t even know him. Only a parent can understand the tremendous love it takes to love unconditionally the unlovely (who just happen to be your children at times). I’m so thankful for my heavenly father and I’m amazed at how he’s helped lay out a path for me to accelerate faster and further than I could have ever fathomed.

“…I trust in God, I know He cares for me,

On mountain bleak, or on the stormy sea.

Though billows roll, He keeps my soul! 

My Heavenly Father watches over me.” 

On Earth

My heavenly father’s provision, love, discipline and Grace were embodied in my father who along with my mother adopted me as an infant child. Robert E. Terrentine has been THE example of a father who provides and makes certain that his children know how to be prepared for the world. I watched my father’s work ethic. He worked for 33 years for the Upjohn Company and traveled, worked early mornings and late nights, and perservered so that the four of us could have food on the table, clothes on our backs and an education in our minds. My father was/is a great provider and a great disciplinarian. He made certain that I knew how to be a man. He insisted that I understood right from wrong, and guaranteed that service to others and service before self were bedrocks of my upbringing. It is one of the great marvels of my life to experience love, care and provision from a man whose father was mean and surly. 

My father was rarely told how much he was loved, and often told how much he was wrong by his father.  I am thankful that the sins of the father were not passed to the son. My dad, Robert Earl,  is the greatest example of selfless God-honoring service to his children and to his wife. If I screw up; it is NOT because I did not have a great example! My failures as a father are my own. My father showed me the right way. I love you dad, and I’m grateful that my son and my daughter get to see you In all of your granddaddy-hood. Thank you for the discipline. Thank you for the love. Thank you for the provision. I am further faster because you sacrificed. I do not take that for granted, nor do I take it lightly.  May Almighty God give you back all you’ve given me and even more.

“In the morning, who was there was I first opened up my eyes?

Who was there to heal the hurt when I first learned to ride?

And who never missed a game?  

Celebrate me won or lost, 

YES! My Father was.

When adolescent years had come, who helped me understand?

And when the winning point was scored, who in victory raised my hand?

And when I hung my head in shame, who was there to lift it up? 

YES! My father was. 

Gone Too Soon

My third father is one that has been new in my life, and our relationship was cut far too short. My biological father whom I met in my mid-twenties was a man who I was more like than anyone I knew. The argument of nature versus nurture was played out in its fullness in the relationship between James and I.  If I had a dollar for every time someone told me that “I looked just like JT” or “talk just like James”, or said the same sayings that James said in his life, I declare I’d be a millionaire! 

James Taylor was my biological father and my friend. His humor, love for music and people were written on the scrolls of my DNA at my birth. And sadly, we lived our lives two and a half hours apart…and did not know it. When I think of James, I’m often brought to a smile that’s accompanied with tears.  He was a big cheerleader of mine and I’m thankful for the time we did have together. I have yet to comprehend why our script ended in the first act; but I am ‘sho nuff’ glad I was in the show with JT.  

” Like a comet Blazin’ across the evening sky

Gone Too Soon

Like a rainbow, Fading in a twinkling eye

Gone Too Soon

Shiny and sparkly and splendidly bright 

here one day, Gone one night

Born to amuse…To inspire, to DELIGHT 

Here one day, Gone one night

Like a sunset, dying with the rising of the moon

Gone Too Soon” 

In my life I have reaped benefits of seeds I did not sow.  I have been blessed with gifts biologically, spiritually and physically that I did not work for.  I am in debt to my three fathers for helping me become the man I am today. 

And if I have any value in this life, I pray that I will have a portion of the impact that my three fathers have on me with my children, my nieces and nephews and the countless children for whom I care. 

This post is dedicated to Olivia, my ridiculously smart, talented and beautiful daughter; Timothy Junior (TJ), my spunky, smart and hilarious son; my niece, Emerald Jean who lights up my world with just one look at her face; my adopted little buddy Marlon Bracken who is strong, smart, hilarious and resilient…and of course;  my three fathers.

Peace, love and blessings, 

T2

LESSONS FROM THE DINING ROOM TABLE…(MOTHER’S DAY 2013)

On this day, I awoke with a heart of gratitude for mothers. I am grateful today for my wife, the great mother of and to my children, my 3 sisters who are raising their children, my “other” mothers who have helped raise me and to this day love and embrace me as a son…you know who you are, and I love you. I am also mindful this morning and thankful for my biological mother and the role she played in my life’s journey. My mother in-law holds a special place of love, honor and thanksgiving in my life and mind today and everyday. I am also thankful to God for my Aunts who have showered me with love and support throughout my life. To these women and many more, I say “Thank God for you” and Happy Mother’s Day.

There is one special woman who has defined mother for me, Mrs. Bonnie Jean Terrentine. My mom is is a picture of what the Bible calls “good and faithful service.” Her Strength, Courage and Love are main ingredients in what makes me who I am today. I have learned so much from my mom in my lifetime, and I am certain that more learning is to come. Much of what I value and know about life came to my attention at the dining room table with my mom. As I celebrate this day with her, i’d like ot share with you a few of life’s lessons presented at the dining room table from my mom and her always open Bible.

1. Respect yourself and EVERYONE else!
I grew up in a home where respect for others was not a choice nor a consideration, it was a mandate from heaven! “Yes mom…yes dad” were absolutes in my home of origin. Not because of some napoleon complex my mom struggled with, but because of the foundational belief that EVERY person is God’s child, and therefore deserves respect and dignity…PERIOD. My mother lead by example and required that we look a person in the eye and speak out of respect. She mandated (unapologetically), that we respect our teachers, elders, family members and ourselves. In full disclosure, there were times when I did not adhere to this dining room table lesson. Well, in true Muskegon Heights fashion, my mother found a way (consistently and quickly) help me find the error of my ways through either the “right hand or left foot of fellowship!” For all of you who do not believe in spankings, God Bless, but I am thankful for my mothers commitment to discipline; i wasn’t the kind of kid that was hard-wired for ‘time-outs.’ At the time, the hard head, soft behind approach was not enjoyable, but it helped me to KNOW what was important in life, and I am thankful. Today, I have no issue with being respectful, even when every ounce of my being ‘feels’ like adopting the “eye for an eye” approach, my mother’s dedication to respect has helped me be the man I am today, and I am thankful.

2. Only What You Do For Christ Will Last
My mother believes in God…Period. The lessons at the table were usually taught with an open Bible. MY mother worked very hard to set an example of faith and service to others. Her faith was contagious. No food was eaten at the table with out prayer and a Bible verse (Some of you all know what i’m talkin’ about). No week would pass without multiple visits to 622 W. Kalamazoo Avenue for Bible Study, Prayer Meeting, Sunbeam choir practice, Junior Choir Practice, Sunday School, Vacation Bible School, AWANA (ask me later), Tract Distribution…I’ll stop there, i’m having flashbacks! Today I fully acknowledge that going to church activities was not the goal. The goal was for us to get a clear understanding that God matters and God loves in ways that I still don’t fully understand. And because HE matters and loves, so do and so should I. I was taught that sometimes the way I treat people is the full manifestation of God on earth. I learned to be kind and serve others because God may be using me to answer their prayer for help. We were taught that helping and serving humanity was the most important thing we could do with the lives God gave us. For that I am thankful and trying!

3. Family is more than Blood.
Many of you know that I am adopted. One of the most powerful gifts my mother (and father) gave me was the gift of adoption. My network of “family” is large and enriched because I understood at a very early age that familial bloodlines do not have exclusive rights to LOVE. Love is more than a feeling or a DNA test; love is a choice. It’s a choice we make daily. And my mother helped me, through her (and God’s) love to heal my broken heart, and fill in the gaps with a family larger than my imagination could fathom. I am thankful for this lesson. This lesson is not only core to my understanding of who I am, it gives me a capacity to love people…period. I have more “play cousins” than I can handle, but the LOVE is real. Family is more than blood, and I’m glad I know it.

Thanks Mom…for everything. For Faith, For Family and For life…I honor you.

Peace and Blessings,

T2

DATING 101

I have the distinct pleasure of working with some ordinary people who have tapped into their extraordinary leadership potential.  Like me, these are people who come from humble starts and High challenges.  The leadership opportunities that have faced many of these leaders whom I admire have been significant; yet they find a way to see the opportunity in the obstacle and make the most of mountainous challenges.  
It has become a leadership habit of mine to ask questions of these leadership giants.  The other day, I was sitting down with my coach, Ron Kitchens.  I asked Ron (which I often do), “Ron, what are you learning about yourself and your leadership as your responsibility and influence expands?”  He took a much shorter time than I anticipated to answer this very difficult question (***NOTE: great leaders rarely take a long time to answer these types of reflexive questions).  Ron said to me “I’ve learned to DATE my strategy and MARRY my mission.”  WHOA!  
He continued to talk to me about how in this most recent season of leadership opportunities, most of the plans and strategies he had developed were changed, altered or eliminated by forces outside of his control.  If he spent his leadership capital bemoaning the violation of his strategic expectation, the organization he shepards as well as the region that relies on his leadership would suffer the consequences of following a parked car.  
The leadership analogy of ‘dating your strategy’ leaves the door open for breaking up and moving to a more positive fit.  Unfortunately, many leaders have been rendered ineffective due to their inability to relinquish irrelevant strategies for the sake of the mission.  Instead, they are stuck in ruts of conspiracy theories and self-absorbed pity parties that only focus on the idea that the universe would have the audacity to challenge and change THEIR strategy.  
Transformational leaders understand that, like in interpersonal relationships, strategies and plans change and are subject to a break-up.  However, WHY you do what you do (your mission) is a relationship that has true commitments.  For these leaders, their core beliefs about the work they do everyday stay with them through sickness and health, ’til death do they part.  Focusing on the mission with reckless abandon emancipates leaders to weather the ever changing dynamics of the storms that often characterizes leading for impact in the 21st century.  

If you are a leader who has lost your ability to impact the dynamics in your sphere; the leadership challenge for you is to check your relationship status.  Are you married to strategy and dating your mission?  Or have you made the courageous choice to commit to what you believe, and leave the strategy up to flexibility?  I am going to give my all to making sure that my leadership spouse remains my belief, and strategy is like a date in high school; it may seem like a good idea at the time, but now that you have attended the reunion of strategies….it’s all so much more clear!  

Peace, blessings and marital bliss, 

T2

HALF THE COST

In a presentation with a business leader, I heard repeatedly that ‘half the cost of anything is transportation.’  Obviously, he wasn’t speaking to ‘shipping’ exclusively.  He was speaking to all of the liability involved with the creation, assembly, distribution, handling and receiving of the product.  It made me think of some of the costs associated with human communication.  The same analogy applies:  “half the cost of every interaction is transportation.”  And, much like products; shipping isn’t everything. 

Creation

The messages that we create in our minds have great liability.  To be effective communicators, we have to make sure that we aren’t creating messages that aren’t grounded in objectivity, truth and compassion. This is especially true as we close 2012.  It has been amazing the messages that people have allowed themselves to create socio-politically.  If we aren’t careful, we will lose our ability to filter our thoughts in a way that allows us to build, not burn bridges.  

Assembly

Every communication interaction happens in its own context.  To be effective, we have to be able and willing to keep short accounts with people.  The way we string together negative messages and attribute  our own insecurities and shortcomings to others continues to be costly to our relationships and ability to have impact.  Make sure when you are assembling your messages, you have left out the defects of pride, fear and low self-esteem.  

Distribution

Have you ever received someone else’s mail?  It is annoying.  We misplace our emotions in our communication on a regular basis.  How many times have you received unfairly a package of frustration, mismanagement or anger?  If one of those packages has made itself to your life’s doorstep, make sure you are NOT sending your package to the wrong person.  

Handling and receiving

POSTED: Handle With Care.  As we communicate with others, it is important to note that people deserve to be handled with care and the receiver sharing the meaning of your message is much more salient to the future than your need to ‘get it off your chest.”  Make sure that as you handle people in communicative situations, you keep the receiver in mind.  Handle With Care.  

Half the cost of anything is transportation.  As we move into 2013, lets attempt to lessen the liability by remembering the importance of delivery in our lives.  It really is half the cost!

Peace and Blessings, 

T2

LESSONS IN FLIGHT

If you have seen the new Paramount Film "Flight" starring Denzel Washington, you have had a true cinematic experience.  For those who have not, I will not be so cruel as to give away the plot, as you MUST go and see this great film.  However, I would like to take this moment of reflexion and glean some leadership and life lessions that jumped out at me from the big screen last night.  But! Before I do, I want to take a moment to give a shout out of Thanksgiving to the great city of Kalamazoo!  It is really cool in a city of less than 100,00 people to be able to go downtown and enjoy a movie, a world-class meal and watch any football game I choose all in one Sunday afternoon.  If you aint "zooing" I have no clue as to what you are doin'!

Ok.  Commercial complete.  Back to your irregularly scheduled bloggram (i know, not a word, maybe it will trend on twitter)!

The movie tells the story of a life with great triumphs and challenges.  It portrays a man with extraordinary gifts, and self-imposed curses.  The whole plot falls upon one incident that is the culmination of several life events.  While watching the film on the edge of my seat, many lessons both aged and ever-present came to the light for me.  I’d like to share those lessons with you in hopes that we all can grow together through this reminder.

Lesson #1: Your gifts WILL make room for you…if you use them. 

I believe in the depths of my soul that all of us; including me have gifts and talents that we were born with.  I also believe that over our lived experiences we use and express those gifts in the world in ways that have impact, and in ways that frankly have no positive benefit on the world around us.  My life changed the moment that I realized that using my gifts, talents and strengths to have a positive impact on the world was my boarding pass to opportunity.  As a point of clarification, opportunity is not tied to a career or job or company; opportunity is found in the ‘little things,’ the mundane winds of potential impact that blow through our wings of influence everyday.  If we exercise our talents in the public sphere for the public good…the world will stand and take notice.  The people that we impact will be the windsock that gives direction for the next leg of our journey all because OUR talent was REQUIRED to solve that EXACT human problem, and ONLY WE were destined to solve it.

Lesson #2: Positioning yourself for a ‘CRASH’ is critical to FLIGHT. 

There’s an old adage that states “it’s very difficult to follow a parked car.” I say, ‘It’s impossible to crash a landed plane.’  Now I know that some of you are saying “where in the world is he going with this one?” Well, since you asked…i’ll tell you.  In my leadership walk, I have encountered many people who are not extroverts.  The social outreach talents are nowhere to be found in their top 5 strengths; yet, they desire more than a cubicle existence.  I have also received many requests from emerging leaders and fed-up managers asking for my consultation regarding how they can accelerate, make a move or “get a new job.”  My first question in reply is normally “when was the last time you crashed?” I define crash by the phenomenon that happens accidentally in urban, dense environments, and strategically by those who seek to fly.  Crashing is all about bumping into new opportunities to grow influence, relationship and connection. Taking time before/after a meeting to make sure that you are acquainted with everyone in the room, or at least those within reasonable distance is an act of crashing.  Reading tweets, blogs, posts and magazines that do NOT pertain to your craft, but help you to add lenses to your worldview are all acts of crashing.   Having cross-cultural, cross-political, cross-socioeconomic friendships and collegial relationships are all crashes that are critical to ascension in life and leadership.   WARNING:  Crashing can be scary.  A crash has the potent potential of jostling all of our preconceived and comfortable notions that make us safe and sure.  Crashes cause reflection.  Crashes cause change, break addictions, and bring flight plan clarity.  And finally, crashing is NOT fatal.  Stretch out. Brace yourself.  CRASH!

Lesson #3: You’re gonna need a FARM.

This lesson speaks to me more than you’ll ever know. Sometimes life gets loud.  The people close to us sometimes seem to be blasting so much and so that you become deaf.  The people in the concentric circles of our life sometimes represent chatter as well.  We all need a FARM.  Somewhere we can go to get our perspective back.  A place where we can recognize beauty again. A place where “the simple things” matter.  We must find the place where our ‘give a darn’ doesn’t give out (shout out to Clarence Carter blues).  It may be a farm, may be a car ride, may be a childhood fun location…but find your farm!  This is the place where you allow your engine to be calibrated and your fuel tank to be filled through the sheer power of blessed quietness.  Take care of yourself.  Run to the FARM!

No matter where you are in life, I hope these lessons speak to your heart like they’ve spoken to mine, and most of all…I hope you fly!

Peace, Blessings and Love, 

T2

MAKE IT COUNT…

One calendar year ago, my family experienced a great loss.  Art Hoekstra;  a hero, father, grandpa, husband, brother, activist and friend transitioned from this life to a life of eternal security.  On this, the first anniversary of his death; the dark cloud of loss still looms over our family.  As many of you have experienced, death is darn difficult; period.  There’s no way or reason to tip-toe around the reality.  Death still stings.  

As does life.  

Art’s life, like all of ours to some extent was one of great struggle.  Art spent his time on this earth attempting to find his place in this world, and when he did, he encountered both triumph and tragedy.  The work he chose was to fight for the down-trodden.  The disenfranchisement of the poor, the needy, the children and the oppressed consumed his “why” for living.  Having worked for many of the same people and values, I quickly began to understand that there are days that life doesn’t make much sense.  We get tired.  We get discouraged.  We’d rather quit.  I am certain that as Art faced the biggest fight of his life, a war with Subungual Acral Lentiginous Melanoma (aka ‘Nail Cancer’), the will to fight began to decrease.  However, the will to make whatever life he had left MEAN SOMETHING was stronger than cancer itself.  This will was on display until the last day. 

You and I face life’s challenges with various levels of strength and endurance. Relationships, finances, sickness, anxiety…you name it; we face it.  What I learned from Art surely cannot be expressed in its fulness by a blog post, but what I can say from the script that IS the life of Art Hoekstra…Whether you are living and feel like living or whether you’re living and feel like dying…MAKE IT COUNT!  

At the end, no one really knows what you were feeling or thinking.  What they know is what counted. Faith, hope, love, charity and will.  In honor of my father in-law and friend, I hope to make it count.  No matter how tough life is, no matter what others do…I’ll live like it HAS to count for something.  

Rest In Peace, my friend…It Counted. 

Love, Peace and Blessings, 

T2

JERSEY #33 THANKSGIVING