LESSONS FROM MY UNCLES…

I don't know if I've ever fully expressed the gratitude I feel and the honor that I bestow upon my uncle's.  I grew up with great uncles.  These were men of great imperfection, but their love and attention to me as a child was perfect.  And so I thought that I would blog about my uncle's.  Celebrate the role each of them is playing in my life.  They are all still living, and so grateful to God that I can share now my adult life and even my own son with my uncle's. 

“My son, do not forget my teaching, but keep my commands in your heart,
for they will prolong your life many years and bring you peace and prosperity.”

— Proverbs 3:1-2

Big E.

I can’t quite remember the time or the year or even how long I was there, but I vividly remember the smell, the look,  color of his van. It was a swagg-a-docious  Econoline 150 made by the Ford Motor Company. It had red velour seats with the captains chairs in the back. I remember feeling as if that was the coolest place I could ever be;  riding in the van with uncle Ernie.  In that van, I was introduced to one of the biggest influences of my musical and thought life; Stevie Wonder. Big E was a school teacher in the inner city of Grand Rapids. Which in my mind was okay;  but what made it very cool was that MY uncle, was a basketball coach. He was a coach of young man and a former state champion and U of M superstar himself. How cool was I to have a 6 foot 8, slim,  hook shot shooting,  Stevie Wonder listenin’, pimped out van havin’  uncle who… was a school teacher. There’s a few things Big E taught me over my life and I like to share that now. First, he taught me that in life caring for people is important. I saw my uncle Ernie and Aunt Melita  take in foster children, his kids on his teams seem to be like second sons. His own son, who didn’t live in the same city with him, seemed to have great summers with his dad. Now I didn’t have a clue as to what was going on behind the scenes, but  Big E showed me that being a community person reaching out, teaching others,  laughing and having fun with good music is all a part of life. Many of those traits I try to mirror for my own son and daughter today.

The other thing big he introduced me to was how to be wrong. We call each other “wrong brothers” even to this day. Not wrong in the sense of doing a bunch of dirt,  but just the fact that men do make mistakes. And sometimes the stuff we do in our marriages,  with our children;  just the stuff that comes out of our mouths sometimes is laughable. He has given me permission to laugh at myself!   I’m proud to be a nephew. I’m proud to call you wrong brother #1. Thank you for setting such a great example for me and for caring for me.  Thanks for never missing the season. You didn’t make every game because you lived an hour away, but I can’t remember anything I did that you didn’t show up for at least something that was important to me!   I love you and I appreciate you for those and many more gifts.  

Uncle Milton.

The next uncle I want to honor with this blog is my Uncle Milton. Uncle Milton is the oldest brother on my mother’s side of Fam.  It was like Christmas time every time uncle Milton came around because he lived so far away, or what seemed so far away in my child-like mind. Uncle Milton’s an attorney in Chicago. And uncle Milton has several children. Uncle Milton taught me many wonderful things throughout my childhood. 
First…Enjoy life.   We would joke,  laugh, cheat at games (lol…if you were in my family you’d know just how hilarious that statement is…)  and have a great time.

 As a child I wondered so much more about uncle Milton’s life in Chicago, and I was always glad to see him. At very special points in my life uncle Milton was there. I saw that although uncle Milton often took the road less traveled, uncle Milton loved his sisters, he loved his mother, and he especially loved his little brother Mike. And uncle Milton has been example to me on how to work hard, strive in life to do things better next time, and how to stand with faith in the face of great adversity. I love MY uncle Milton for loving me first. I love my uncle Milton for being a good man, and a good father, and one hell of an uncle.

Uncle Mike.

I can’t remember to save my life where we were or when it happened; but I can remember like yesterday the day I heard my uncle sing “Here and Now” by Luther Vandross. I think he was rehearsing for a wedding somewhere, and I remember the lightly stained wood piano sitting in that anonymous room and somebody played the song for my uncle Mike. Mike broke out “One look in your eyes and there I see,  just what you mean to me…”   the day I heard my uncle’s voice changed my life. My uncle Mike;  through his love and passion for music and arts awoken a love and passion  for the arts and for music that spread far beyond my own limited gospel music roots. Uncle Mike sang like he was the only person in the room. Uncle Mike acted on stage as if it was him, God and that story. It didn’t matter the story. It didn’t matter the song,  my uncle Michael taught how to find my own voice and to love it for the gift from God that it is. I hope and pray that whether I’m singing into the angels on high, or hitting a rip from Luther himself,  that I’ll be able to be half the passionate, artistic, and upstanding man MY uncle Mike is.   I love you.

Uncle Mel

 When growing up, I’d enjoy my trip to Grand Rapids Michigan hang out with my Uncle Mel  and his wonderful family. Uncle Melvin taught me the value of learning how to fish. And fishing was not just about the sport of fishing, it was about the bond that a man should have with nature. Waking up early on Saturday mornings; up, often before the sun to go follow your passion. Uncle Melvin taught me that while sitting there on the lake with you and God;  you can cry, you can fart, you can even pee over the side of the boat and no one is bothered. Uncle Mel taught me a great lesson about life and that is that you have to find your passion place.   You have to find that thing that quiets your soul and lift your spirits all at the same time. Uncle Melvin tell me how to do that on a fishing boat and I’m so thankful that he took the time and put up with me when I was afraid of worms. Uncle Mel,  I’m not afraid of worms anymore and if you ever want to get together to put a hook in water;  let me know; it’d be great to have a reunion in what is now both of our passion place.  

Thanks to my Uncles for the role they played in making me who I am.  Who played “Uncle” in your life?  

Peace, Blessings, and Uncle-Time, 

T2

KNOWLEDGE IN 11, WISDOM FOR 12…

The year 2011 has presented many great opportunity for me both professionally and personally. 2011 provided ample opportunity to make this world a better place through my interactions with others. I missed the mark far more times than I would’ve ever imagined, and I hit the mark more times than I could have ever dreamed. As I reflected on the year; there are three things that I learned from various people and experiences that i’d like to share with you in order that we together can apply this knowledge to wisdom and 2012.

1. Be impactful.

Although this year was full of great opportunities, it was also full of great challenges. There were deaths in my immediate family and surrounding families. There were relational struggles that I had to navigate; professional challenges and opportunities that I have never seen before and quite possibly may never see again. There were times when I sat wondering how in the world I would get through some days and many evenings.  However,  one of the great leaders in this community  (who will remain nameless) shared with me a precious jewel of knowledge that would be the one thing about life he would leave with his own children. Be Impactful. Have Impact . Change the conditions you are in. If you feel overwhelmed, if you feel overburdened, if you feel helpless, if you feel like you have no help… change the condition you’re in. Having impact is not about having money or influence or power, it’s about knowing who you are and why God created you.  It’s about the indisputable truth that I have the power to change the conditions I find myself in.   So next year I will not hold my hands helplessly in the air but rather apply my often feeble hands to the plow to change the condition I’m in. Having impact is super salient moving forward into this year of great opportunity and challenge.

2. Keep changing your lenses.

With all of the challenges and opportunities embedded in this past year, I found that I was in seasons of time where I wouldn’t see things the way I should. Sometimes when you allow fatigue, stress, disenchantment and disengagement to swarm your mind and heart, you find yourself seeing things through clouded lenses. The glass that once was full is now lacking water. The people in your life who are supposed to be there to help you, start to be seen as nothing more than dependents.   It is very important for 2012 for you and I to focus on the blessings that we have in our lives and to make sure that If our lenses are to be cloudy, let them be clouded only with Thanksgiving and aspiration for better future. If you see me down in 2012,  please remind me to change my lenses.

3. Cherish the Wastah’s in your life.

In Lebanese culture there are individuals that are critically important to the lives of regular folks in Lebanon. These people are called Wastah’s.  They are people who are empowered  to go between, go before, and facilitate success for others. I appreciate our freedoms here in America, for if I need to go see a banker I am free to walk into the bank. That is not the case in other cultures more specifically in Lebanon. There, if I needed a banker, my Wastah would have to go to advocate my behalf. When I think about this year of 2011, I am reminded to be thankful for those men and women who have gone before me and continue to advocate for me and for my success.

I’m especially thankful this year for my late father-in-law and Wastah, Art Hoekstra. He fought to dismantle and destroy racism in this community for 30 years. He tried his level best to be a good father and a good husband. He was a man like me of many faults;  imperfect in many ways. But be determined in his mind to  have advocacy and facilitation of others’ success as core principles of his everyday life. There are several other Wastah’s in my life and I’m thankful to Almighty God for allowing them to go before,  to go with, and to go after me. You too have people who have gone before you, helped pave the way for you to be successful. Please take time in 2012 not only to spend time with your Wastahs, but to express your gratitude to God and them in special ways for advocating for you,  for loving you and for helping you be what you were put on this earth to be. Make and take the time.  For when time is no more, all you will have is memories.  Make sure that your memory bank is full as it pertains to the Wastahs in your life.

Wisdom is applying what you know to what you do.  Pray that I will apply wisdom to my life life in 2012, and I’ll do the same for you!

Happy New Year!

Love, Peace, and Impact,

T2

MEANINGS…

There is a communication theory that is called “the arbitrary nature of words.” The fundamental premise of this wonderful human communication phenomenon is thatmeanings are in people;  not in words. For example, the curved symbol adjacent to the sticks and that circular thing in the stick with the circular thing on it would/could mean nothing to us without interactions with others.One of your first communication teachers (or in some cases your driver’s education instructor), told you that STOP meant to cease activity.  Outside of that interaction and probably several subsequent reminder interactions, you would have no meaning assigned to those four letters.   

STOP is a symbol whose meaning lives in us. People also have meanings that live in us.  Those meanings or definitions are created through our interactions with each other.  When we think about our lives and how we are understood, we must be about creating definitions as opposed to confining to them.  There is great power in being able to be a part of the creative process of redefinition.  What does it mean to be kind? What about patient?  Who and what rises in us when we see or hear the word ‘leader?”  

You and I have the power everyday to define and redefine what it means to be _______.  Are you leaving definitions in people that provoke growth and wholeness?  Or have people defined you as a force toward destruction?  Are you the definition of reliability?  Have you taken the opportunity to redefine service?  

Take a moment or two today to think through the arbitrary nature of you.  What meanings have you put in people by the way you’ve lived.  

Peace, Blessings, and New Definitions, 

T2

SIMON SINEK: THE POWER OF THE YOUNG

http://blog.startwithwhy.com/refocus/2011/09/the-power-of-the-young.html

09/22/2011

The Power of the Young

Jill is an entrepreneur. She is a big thinker with big ideas. She is also an idealist. She imagines a world in which companies make their impact on society their primary bottom line and the financial results that follow as their second bottom line. She is smart and articulate and her ideas are really good, but she’s struggling to get anyone to take her seriously.

What’s the problem?

According to the companies the close the door on her, it’s because she’s only 24.

There is something about youth that the more experienced often forget and don’t take advantage of – their passion. Passion is a valuable currency. Some are rich with it and some poor. Some trade it in over their course of their careers only to be left at the end of their lives with a big house and a fast car but no more passion.  The youth, low on experience, are often rich in passion. More importantly, it is their passion that provides the necessary capital required to make the kind of progress that the financially rich can only look upon and drool.

Steve Jobs was 21 when he founded Apple. Mark Zuckerberg was 20 when he started Facebook. Michael Dell was 20 when his company built it’s first computer, Bill Gates was 20 when Microsoft became Microsoft. Larry Page and Sergey Brin were25 when they founded Google andRichard Branson was only 22 when he opened Virgin Records. Every one on this list was low on experience and even lower on cash when they started.  All they they had was an intense passion to pursue their visions and an ability inspire others to join them in their pursuit.

Horatio Nelson, the British admiral made famous for defeating Napoleon’s navyat the Battle of Trafalgar, had an unusual habit when at sea. He would go to the bottom deck and spend time with his most junior officers. In those days, this was just not done…an admiral socializing with the youngest ranks? It was unheard of. But Nelson didn’t go down to tell them a thing or two. He didn’t go below deck to whip them into shape. Quite the opposite. He spent time with them to get something from them. To get something they had lots of, more than any of his ranking officers: unbridled passion and blind optimism…and Nelson loved it!

As we progress in our careers our passion has a tendency to wane. We get mired in the weeds. We become more concerned about benefits and compensation packages. We make safer and safer decisions for fear we may lose what we’ve worked so hard to get. Worse, we often forget why we started down the path in the first place. The young remind us why we started. They remind us of ourselves when we were their age. They are like a jolt of electricity that can recharge even the most beleaguered of devices.

Nelson spent time below deck to soak up this passion. He understood that it was the responsibility of the experienced to pass down their lessons to the inexperienced, so that, one day, they would become the great admirals of the seas. But he also understood that the passionate had a vital role to play in the system. Nelson wanted to hear their ideas, their dreams, their optimism. It kept him going. His ability to “stay young” was one of the reasons he became on of the greatest leaders in history – commanding astonishing loyalty from the young and the experienced alike.

To all those people who told Jill you’re not interested in her ideas because she has no experience, may I remind you, that’s not her job…it’s yours.  Your job is to hear the ideas you don’t have and figure out how to make them happen. That’s the value of experience. And, in the process, you may just achieve something great…just like you dreamed of when you were young.

THE HEART OF THE MATTER

“I’ve been trying to get down to the heart of the matter, but my flesh gets weak, and the ashes start to scatter; but I think its about FORGIVENESS, Forgiveness!”

— Don Henley via India Arie

In my years of lived experiences, I have had to come face-to-face with many of the life principles that I profess to believe in. I’ve struggled with the principle of “sowing and reaping” (whatsoever a persons soweth, that shall they also reap). I have had to wrestle for many weeks, days and hours with the principle of self-esteem (as a person thinketh in their heart, so are they). I have been in the gladiators collesium with the lived experience of love (Love thy neighbor as thyself, no exceptions); but no battle has been more difficult for me in my life than the issue of betrayal and forgiveness.

I don’t know about you, but for me, betrayal is a feeling I wish not upon the people who mean me most harm. Betryal feels like taking an alcohol shower with open wounds. It hurts and burns like hell (literally). The reason that betrayal cuts deeper than any other slit, is because betrayal happens with people that are close enough to pierce the soul. When your soul has been cut, you are rocked at the core of your being. Trust flies out of your heart and mind like a rocket blazing underneath the evening sky (Shouts out to Stevie Wonder for that beautiful analogy), and you can’t see your way back to place of reliance and closeness. You are empty.

I found and still find myself searching for a path to wholeness. A road to live out my rhetoric of the “higher path.” The more I search, the more I find that I know what the road is. I’ve been taught where to go. But the teeth of pain and distrust often have me in their grip, and I can’t get loose.

I’ve gotta run to FORGIVENESS. To whom much has been offended, much must be forgiven. Phillip Yancey said “…to forgive is to set a prisoner free and to discover that the prisoner was you…”

I want to be free. We all want to be free. The only way for us who have been betrayed to be loosened from our slavery is to free ourselves. I’m not certain that I have the power to give myself amnesia and forget; in fact, that would be foolish. When a person tells you who they are…believe them. However, that belief doesn’t have to hold me hostage.

“These times are so uncertain, there’s a yearning undefined…the people fill with rage.

We all need a little tenderness, how can Love survive in such a graceless age?

The trust and self-assurance that lead to happiness are the very things we kill, guess…

The more I know, the less I understand, All the things I thought i’d figured out, I have to learn again…

“I’ve been trying to get down to the heart of the matter, but my will gets weak, and my thoughts seem to scatter; but i know its about forgiveness…”

— Luke 16:3,4 (READ IT,i’m trying to)

Peace comes from freeing yourself…Forgive…

C’MON MAN!!!!

“You’re brand isnt what you say it is, its what google says it is”

— Chris Anderson, Wired Magazine

I had the great opportunity to be in a professional development session for Marketing and Attraction recently. There were hundreds of concepts presented, seemingly thousands of sales pitches made, and soap box speeches galore (sound like any conferences you’ve been to?).

One of the speakers was talking about the dialectal tensions between courage and fear as it relates to ownership and power struggles around the policing of information. Who really owns information anymore? With a simple google search, information about communities, people, companies, and governments are universally available. However, there are people and organizations who truly believe that their role is to disseminate so-called “classified” or “priviledged” information. In the words of the guys on NFL today…”C’mon Man!!!” AsZoomprospector.com owner, Anatalio Ubalde stated, “this era will represent the death of the middleman; information and access to it is universal…”

The organizations that are claiming privilege to information are first place runners in a race to the bottom. The truth of the matter is that the present and the future of information sharing is not owned by persons in positions, but by cloud computing on the internet. The days of finding professional significance in being the “keeper” or “police” of information have passed. If you think you own the information about your organization or community you are pitifully mistaken. The successful future requires information ‘coaches’ who add value to the information, not ownership of the unowned.

As so eloquently stated by the speaker; “all of us do not live in the present…some of us live in the past; others live in the future. The message from the future is you don’t own the information, however you can add value to the information by adding the human touch. You can make the information come to life, however, you can no longer have ownership.

Some live in the past, some in the present, some in the future…what’s your address?

Peace, Blessings, and Future…

T2

THE PURSUIT OF MASTERY

“Only one who devotes themselves to a cause with their whole strength and soul can be a true master. For this reason mastery demands all of a person. ”

— Albert Einstein

In my short life on this earth I have been blessed to know many great leaders. I have had the eternally significant opportunity to engage ordinary people who through their lived experiences have come to perform extraordinary tasks on a daily basis. These are individuals with faults and failures like all of us have, however they have been able to manage their shortcomings in a way that provides exponential growth for them and the environments that surround them.

I’ve begun to ask these great leaders about their patterns of behavior. My inquiries always include questions about their various disciplines. What are the things you do everyday that separates you from general population in your effectiveness?  What do you do when you’re not in the office, board meeting, in the public sphere: that makes you extraordinary? As you can imagine I received numerous answers to those questions. Everything from dietary restrictions, faith practices, work/life balance,and plain old-fashioned luck have been expressed by these leaders.

One common theme in those responses has been the arbitrary notion of “mastery.”  Great leaders seem to be afraid of ignorance. What keeps these leaders up at night; men and women of every age, color, sexual orientation, marital status, faith tradition, and positionality is the fear of allowing their ignorance to affect the lives of others. Many of them find this pursuit of mastery through the gathering of new information. Many of them read over 100 books a year. Some of them find magazines, blogs, and newspapers that have nothing to do with their industry to read on a daily basis. They believe that this sparks creativity and new ways of being and doing that will help them continue to lead in their chosen field.

In our American culture we focus even our children on this idea of “reading mastery.” We test children on how many words they can read per minute. We assess a person’s intelligence by their ability to gather information from written text. Those of you who know me know that I am a huge proponent of literacy, however I believe that in order to create the leaders of tomorrow and a better future for our country, we have to pursue mastery. Mastery is all about a passion for getting relevant information. Mastery is not just literacy and numeracy; it is in fact applied knowledge, better known as wisdom. While some people have reading lists, I have people lists.

To me it is just as important to have strategic people in your life for whom you read. Where you are gathering relevant information from their stories as lived out in the human experience, as opposed to their best story as lived out on the pages of a book. The wisdom, approaches, innovation, creativity, diversity, power, and life-giving empowerment that comes from a human beings story is much more powerful than the words the jump off of pages to us in our pursuit of mastery. So for all you great leaders out there who have a reading list I would not suggest you abandon that list, however I am arguing that we expand our reading list to include people.

No one has written a book that looks like their first draft. The finished product is always the highlight of that experience. As a great leader once told me, one of the reasons we struggle with self-esteem and feeling like we can’t achieve great things is because we are comparing our “behind the scenes experiences” with other people’s “highlight reels.”

Make no mistake, a written publication is a highlight reel. It is the best edited version of a person’s experience you will ever find. However a person’s life as it is lived out in the public sphere, read with humility and wonder can bring us to a point of mastery that will catapult our leadership potential.

Next time you want to read something, read a human story as it is lived out in front of you. This reading has been transformational in my leadership journey and I trust and pray it will be for yours also.

Peace, blessings, and good reading.

T2

THE PRESCRIPTION WITH LIMITLESS REFILS – VOLUME I

Greetings Folks!

I trust that all of you are having a happy and productive summer.  I have experienced one of the busiest summers in my life!  However, i’m havin’ fun!  As I grow in age and responsibility; i’m understanding more and more the the critical role laughter and comedy MUST play in our everyday lives.  I have had a commandment for myself (one which I frequently break) that has sustained me in some tumultuous times andstates the following:

“Thou shalt laugh hard (gut-busting) daily; If not, simply begin at the beginning of this sentence and proceed.”

Laughter is time tested, and it remains an elixir for the soul.  Even in Biblical times, laughter was prescribed to the hurting hearts (Proverbs 17:22, Proverbs 15:13).  So I thought that a great gift to you and I would be to use the blog as a medium to recount some hilarious moments in television.  The blogs that are forthcoming will hopefully serve as good medicine for you and I; actually, I hope it serves as a dietary supplement to you and hopefully, it’s good to your bones…

We begin this journey with one of my favorite characters from one of my favorite shows:  Dwight Schrute from NBC’s “The Office.”  The following are the top 20 Dwight Schrute quotes, followed by some that received honorable mention.

Top 20 Dwight Schrute Quotes:

1. When my mother was pregnant with me, they did an ultrasound and found she was having twins. When they did another ultrasound a few weeks later, they discovered that I had adsorbed the other fetus. Do I regret this? No, I believe his tissue has made me stronger. I now have the strength of a grown man and a little baby.
2. I am faster than 80% of all snakes.
3. I don’t care what Jim says, that is not Benjamin Franklin. I am 99% sure.
4. I don’t believe you, continue.
5. Reject a woman, and she will never let it go. One of the many defects of their kind. Also, weak arms.
6. When I die. I want to be frozen. And if they have to freeze me in pieces, so be it. I will wake up stronger than ever, because I will have used that time, to figure out exactly why I died. And what moves I could have used to defend myself better now that I know what hold he had me in.
7. The eyes are the groin of the head.
8. My feelings regenerate at twice the speed of a normal man
9. Before I do anything I ask myself“Would an idiot do that?” And if the answer is yes, I do not do that thing.
10. You know whats better than a triceratops. Only every other dinosaur that has ever existed.
11. Dolphins get a lot of good publicity for the drowning swimmers they push back to shore, but what you don’t hear about is the many people they push farther out to sea! Dolphins aren’t smart. They just like pushing things.
12. There are 40 rules all Schrute boys must learn by age 5. Rule #17- There are 3 things you never turn your back on- bears, men you have wronged, and a dominant male turkey during mating season
13. I train my major blood vessels to retract into my body on command. Also, I can retract my penis up into itself.
14. Question…
15. Would I ever leave this company? Look, I’m all about loyalty. In fact, I feel like part of what I’m being paid for here is my loyalty. But if there were somewhere else that valued loyalty more highly, I’m going wherever they value loyalty the most.
16. How would I describe myself? Three words: hard working, alpha male, jackhammer…merciless…insatiable…
17. I am fast. To give you a reference point I am somewhere between a snake and a mongoose…and a panther.
18. The problem, Jim, is that people who are really suffering from a medical condition won’t receive the care they need because someone in this office is coming up with ridiculous stuff. Count Choculitis….Why did you write that down, Jim? Is it because you know I love Count Chocula?
19. I grew up on a farm. I have seen animals having sex in every position imaginable. Goat on chicken. Chicken on goat. Couple of chickens doing a goat, couple of pigs watching.
20. Security in this office park is a joke. Last year I came to work with my spud-gun in a duffel bag. I sat at my desk all day with a rifle that shoots potatoes at 60 pounds per square inch. Can you imagine if I was deranged?

Honorable Mention:

• Through concentration, I can raise and lower my cholesterol at will.
• A 30-year mortgage at Michael’s age essentially means that he’s buying a coffin. If I were buying my coffin, I would get one with thicker walls so you couldn’t hear the other dead people.
• I come from a long line of fighters. My maternal grandfather was the toughest guy I ever knew. World War Two veteran killed twenty men and spent the rest of the war in an Allied prison camp. My father battled blood pressure and obesity all his life. Different kind of fight.
• Yes I have acted before. I was in a production of “Oklahoma!” in the 7th grade. I played the part of Mutey the Mailman. They had too many kids so they made up roles like that. I was good.
• As a volunteer Sheriff’s Deputy I’ve been doing surveillance for years. One time I suspected an ex-girlfriend of mine of cheating on me, so I tailed her for six nights straight. Turns out . . . she was. With a couple of guys, actually. . . so . Mystery solved.
• Why tip someone for a job I’m capable of doing myself? I can deliver food. I can drive a taxi. I can, and do, cut my own hair. I did however, tip my urologist, because I am unable to pulverize my own kidney stones.
• I like the people that I work with, generally. With four exceptions.
• And I did not become a Lackawanna County volunteer sheriff’s deputy to make friends. And by the way, I haven’t.
• When you become close with someone, you develop a kind of sixth sense. You can read their moods like a book. And right now, the title of Michael’s book is.. “Something Weird Is Going On…colon…What Did Jan Say? The Michael Scott Story…by Michael Scott. With Dwight Schrute.”
• He was already dead, and we Schrutes use every part of the goose. The meat has a delicious smoky rich flavor. Plus, you can use the molten goose grease and save it in the refrigerator, thus saving you a trip to the store for a can of expensive goose grease.
• As a farmer I know that when an animal is sick sometimes the right thing to do is put it out of it’s misery. With the electricity we are using to keep Meredith alive we could power a small fan for two days. You tell me what’s unethical.
• I signed up for Second Life about a year ago. Back then, my life was so great that I literally wanted a second one. Absolutely everything was the same…except I could fly.
• Babies are one of my many areas of expertise. Growing up I performed my own circumcision.
• I am not a security threat, and my middle name is Kurt, not Fart.
• Can we steer away from gay people? I’m sorry it’s an orientation not a race. Plus, a lot of other races are intolerant of gays, sooo paradox..
• D.W.I.G.H.T – Determined, Worker, Intense, Good worker, Hard worker, Terrific
• People say, oh it’s dangerous to keep weapons in the home, or the workplace. Well I say, it’s better to be hurt by someone you know, accidentally, than by a stranger, on purpose
• I wish I could menstruate. If I could menstruate, I wouldn’t have to deal with idiotic calendars anymore. I’d just be able to count down from my previous cycle. Plus I’d be more in tune with the moon and the tides.
• Once I’m officially Regional Manager, my first order of business will be to demote Jim Halpert. So I will need a new number two. My ideal choice? Jack Bauer. But he is unavailable. Fictional. And overqualified.
• In the wild, there is no healthcare. Healthcare is “Oh, I broke my leg!” A lion comes and eats you, your dead. Well, I’m not dead, I’m the lion, your dead!
• Did you know that the human thumb is formed by 15 interchangeable joints? Wrong. Don’t believe everything the people on television tell you.
• I have been Michael’s number two guy for about 5 years. And we make a great team. We’re like one of those classic famous teams. He’s like Mozart and I’m like…Mozart’s friend. No. I’m like Butch Cassidy and Michael is like…Mozart. You try and hurt Mozart? You’re gonna get a bullet in your head courtesy of Butch Cassidy.
• Why are all these people here? There are too many people on this earth. We need a new plague…
• A hero kills people, people that wish him harm. A hero is part human and part supernatural. A hero is born out of a childhood trauma, or out of a disaster, that must be avenged.
• [indicating his purple belt] This is not a toy, this is a message to the entire office so that everyone can see I can physically dominate them.
• Sasquatches are the strongest animal on the planet so fine call me a Sasquatch!

                                                  Stay Tuned!!!!

Peace, Blessings, and Schrute Bucks!!!!

T2