WARFIELD TO DOUBLE T: FIVE (OF MANY) LIFE LESSONS

Today I mourn the loss of my brother and friend. I am saddened that my mentor and laughing buddy is no longer here physically.  And though I am heartbroken and saddened, about is his leaving;  I am so thankful that he came. Chuck Warfield has impacted my life in ways that writing could never encompass. I am a better man, a better leader and a better human being to the people I love due in no small part to his influence. To try to express all that he has meant to me and my life is a task I may never complete, however I’d like to share with you the five lessons that are swimming around in my head immediately following saying goodbye to my good friend.

1. “If you don’t allow others to DEfine you, they cannot CONfine you.”While sitting on the porch with Chuck, he was encouraging me to not allow other people to define who I am. He used to tell me how important it was for me to get a very clear picture about who I am and what I bring to the world. If I didn’t have that sense, people would attempt to add their definitions of me and my future to my life. And in his many years of experience as a leader, educator, advocate and family man, he knew that for me to have a chance at leading in a way that really could bring impact to the community, I had to have the first definition of who I was.  He knew in his heart that if I let that happen, I would subsequently let people and negativity confine me. Over his time, he had seen how confining passion, love and our unique gifts and talents had done nothing to help the world. So my challenge to myself, and to you today (in honor of our friend) is for us to get really clear about who we are as individuals. That clarity will help us define who we are to the world and the impact we want to have.  And if you can’t do it for Chuck, do it because you can’t afford to have your gifts and talents confined.
    
2. Love matters. I have seen love in my life. I am so thankful for the examples of love that have become my life’s story.  I believe, like Corey Booker that I am a part of a “grand conspiracy of love.”  God shows me His love everyday. I am not a stranger to the power of Love.  And I have come to see love in action on the planet earth in the life of Charles Warfield. Chuck loved his family. He, even until the last moment loved his wife, Martha. He loved Kalamazoo. And his love was not in word alone, it was a verb.  His entire life’s work in this community has one common theme, love. He loved young people and their potential. And he solidified that love with the numerous scholarships and opportunities that he and Dr. Martha provided to the community. He loved people of every shade and hue. He showed this love at every meeting he attended, every church service he sat through, every community program he attended, every game he observed. Everywhere Chuck Warfield went, love was with him. My friend showed me a great example that loving people, loving yourself, loving God and loving your community can bring good success. And at the end of your life, people will remember the LOVE.
    
3. Two dimes and a nickel (if you have one). Warfield and  I would often talk about money. He would give me tidbits of wisdom about how to be financially sound. He would push me to think about finances as a part of my leadership. He had a real simple equation for financial success. Here it is: “if you have a dollar in your pocket; give a dime to God, a dime to yourself, and a nickel for the community, if you have one.” That is it. It was just that simple to him. He put a premium on giving money and resources to God’s work. Now, just in case you don’t believe in giving to God or you have different beliefs than Charles Warfield did about God, I would encourage you to take the wisdom from the strategy. It is important for all of us to give our first fruit to doing work that will last longer than us. For Chuck Warfield that was giving through the local church and helping people who are downtrodden; an action that he believed was very God-like. He continued with the wisdom.  He’d say that after I gave a dime to God, I should give a dime to myself for the future.  Now this principle is as old as time, yet Warfield continuously impressed this idea on me because he wanted me to have financial security. The third priority in the equation is the community. Warfield thought it was important to give back to the places who have given to you. He and Dr. Martha have made it a priority to donate their time, talent and treasure back into the community and Warfield saw this as a critical part of the equation. In the end, he claimed that all it takes is ‘two dimes and a nickel’ to get to financial success. I got the idea Warfield. And I’ll continue to try to follow in your footsteps!
    
4. Take some time to laugh and lie. One of my favorite places to be in the world is sitting on the porch laughing and lying with Warfield. I would always be excited when I saw his name pop up on my phone. I knew that either we were going to have a great conversation and/or we would laugh until we nearly passed out. Warfield made it a priority in his life to laugh and have fun. The concept of laughing and lying was about having an opportunity and space where you could just banter with someone you trusted. As a matter of fact, he and I would periodically take trips to Chicago on the train. We would purposefully take the train so that we would be guaranteed several hours of laughter, jive talking, crying, laughing some more, telling each other tales (short and tall) and solving some of the world’s biggest problems. I learned that this time in life is really important and precious. I’m thankful for the time I had with my friend to laugh and lie. And I will attempt to make more time for that in my life. Admittedly, it will be really tough to (re)create that time without him.
    
5. Live the highest life you can live.  This final lesson came very late in our relationship. As a matter of fact, this lesson came during our last conversation just eight days before his passing. Chuck was not well at all, his energy was very low and I came to visit he and Martha and the family at the hospital. Chuck and I had a 45 minute conversation there int he room. The precious nature of that conversation I will hold dear for the rest of my life. I will never forget that final conversation with my friend. And now, I don’t even know what to do with his request of me. He said on five different occasions in that 45 minute conversation “Double T, live the highest life you can. I mean it man, live the highest life you can!” I don’t quite know what that meant. But I’m starting to think that he was speaking of my fullest potential. He wants me to maximize opportunities as they come. He wants me to bring my full self to my family, my work and my service to other human beings. I’ll probably spend the remainder of my days trying to figure out what the highest life is. But I can tell you this, if I can see higher or farther than others now, it is because I’m standing on the shoulders of giants like Charles Warfield. And when you have shoulders like his to stand on, you are well on your way to the highest life possible.

Thanks for these lessons and so many more.  Rest in peace my friend. I’ll see you on the other side.

Double T.

THANK GOD IT’S MONDAY. #KALAMAZOOLOVE

Thank God it’s Monday.  What a tragic weekend.  My heart cried.  Today is a new day!  And I thank God for it.  Here’s a vlog message to #Kalamazoo.

THE WEARY WORLD REJOICES.

Merry Christmas! As we celebrate the amazing miracle of Christmas and the birth of the Savior, I am reminded that although we’ve done the obligatory shopping, cooking and events that there is more, so much more to the Christmas holiday than what has become our pattern. Much like the time of Jesus’ birth, the world and the people surrounding His holiday where not in a great state. The Christmas Carol writer penned it well when they said “the WEARY WORLD rejoices, for yonder breaks a new and glorious morn.” The world, even before social media had become weary.  The taxes were too high, there were murders, issues among public safety and citizens, income inequality, disease, racism, classism, homophobism, food deserts, homelessness, sexism and so many more ills in society that bring us to a state of exhaustion.  The people of that time, like the people of this time…are weary.

AND, even at the end of the year when we feel that weight of fatigue; we can still rejoice in our weariness. There is a “thrill of hope!” The one thing that I’ve experienced that has the capacity to shift our weariness to hope is love. Love is the force strong enough to overcome sadness and loneliness and weariness. And the beautiful thing about love is just like on that beautiful Bethlehem morning, love can come to us in some of the most unusual places if we will simply have the courage to seek it. Jesus came into a world that had lost hope in a better day, came to parents who had lost hope in their circumstance. Love came to a nation who had lost itself. Love came and yet there was seemingly no room for love. Yet when Love got here, things changed.  From that time to this, Love has been moving hearts and minds from weary to joy.   It is my hope that this holiday season this weary world will rejoice in the truth that love is here and that it can find us even when we can’t find ourselves. May your world rejoice in the Savior’s birth and in the presence of love even if it looks like it’s sitting in a manger in the back of the barn.

Merry Christmas.  Love to you.

T2

BLAME IT ON THE BLAINE

I may be biased, but my bias is informed.  I live in a great place!  The places, the promises and the people make Southwest Michigan great.  I know, every community has points of data that prove their awesomeness quotient, but whatever the top number is for evidence of awesomesauce; Southwest Michigan has it! On our quest to measure ourselves, one of the more difficult phenomenon to measure in community is the quality and power of its people.

I’d like to take a moment to highlight a person who has quietly and humbly become the community’s “chief gap filler.”  Blaine Lam has worked tirelessly to help this community be as good as its aspirations.  His resume’ is too robust to recite here; but his purpose and fruit of his work are clear.

When a needed community organization is failing desperately and in need of leadership; who you gonna call?  Blaine.

When you have a passion for health and wellness in a community and don’t know how to take it to scale, who you gonna call?  Blaine.

When opposing groups are fighting immaturely and cannot come together for the greater good, who you gonna call?  Blaine.

When your career takes a turn and you believe you can be an entrepreneur and you need a role model or coach on how to do it successfully, who you gonna call?  Blaine Lam.

When you need to reach out to hear the voices of everyday citizens, including those who have been disenfranchised and left out and you don’t even know where to start, who you gonna call?  That’s right, Blaine Lam.

At various critical times in our community’s story, there have been huge gaps in impact where LEADERSHIP is required, Blaine steps up.  His heart for the community and mind for creative strategy are true assets.  He works tirelessly to move the greater Kalamazoo area closer and closer to what it aspires to be everyday.  And, in true Blaine fashion, he does so without consideration of credit or blame.  I want to take just a moment on this platform to celebrate Blaine Lam for all of his quiet, impactful work on behalf of this great place I call home.  Thanks Blaine for being there.  Where?  There. Every time.  Right where the community needs you.

Maybe you have a Blaine in your community or family or workplace.  Take a moment today to say thank you!  They aren’t doing it for the thanks, however, i’m certain that a ‘thank you’ goes a long way.

If you look at our community and think we are getting closer to reaching our aspirations, you can certainly in part, blame it on the Blaine.

Peace, Blessings and more Blaine.

T2

THE WISDOM OF JIVE

There’s a language that is rooted in the English language that is spoken fluently in pockets of American culture called “Jive.”  I am blessed not only to be fairly fluent in the language, I get to speak it with many of my friends, particularly within my inter-generational friendships.  I cherish these moments whereby I get the opportunity hear from and banter with these men who have outlived and out-learned me.  I count on and cherish their wisdom and the fellowship we have from time to time.  These interactions have no agenda, no goals to meet, no deals to close and no budgetary limitations.  These are precious, unscripted and unplanned interactions where we, as my dear friend Chuck Warfield would say,  “laugh and lie to one another.” During these conversations, I am often struck by a jive statement that at first listen sounds like foolery!  However, after I take a moment and let the statement swirl around my mind; I find these wonderful nuggets of wisdom for life.   I’d like to share a few of them with you.

1. “Amen, lights all by myself.”  – Dr. Charles Warfield  Those in the greater Kalamazoo area know this great man and if you know me well, you know that he and I are good friends. I admire him and love his presence in my life.  We have many Jive conversations, and from time to time, in the middle of a conversation, he would lift his and and say “amen lights, all by myself.”  Finally, I asked him; “Doc, what in the world does that mean?”  He replied with a story of a Pastor years ago in Chicago who was preaching the sermon of his life (or so he thought).  As he looked out into the congregation for a little ‘help’ from the amen corner, he received none.  So the preacher hollers out “Amen, lights all by myself! If you all won’t help me out, me and the lights will say amen!”  HI-LAR-IOUS!  After I wiped my eyes from laughter, I realized that sometimes in life, you have be your own amen corner.  Sometimes when we are doing our life’s work, people will not be supportive, not because they don’t want to be, they just don’t know how or they just don’t have it in them.  It’s alright!  Amen Lights!   You and I have a voice and a choice. Some days, it will be just you and the lights…but AMEN!

2. “Ain’t nothin’ cookin’ but the peas in the pot, and the peas wouldn’t be cookin’ if the water wasn’t hot.” – Author Unknown (and forgotten).  This statement has been a part of my memory since I was a kid.  I remember hearing it from different older men and loving the rhyme, yet not understanding the reason.  This jive statement is all about gratitude.  Everything that is ‘cooking’ in my life life is a direct result of another choice or gift or kindness of someone else.  It takes hot water to cook peas.  It takes blessings and grace to make a successful life.  And with jive statements like this, I am less likely to forget that truth.

3. “Give it what it’s worth.”  Dr. Von Washington, Sr.  In the jive dialogue, I often find myself asking these men questions about life and some of the nuanced struggles that come with attempting to make a difference in the world. One statement in particular, blew me away. It was simple, but it helps me everyday, literally.  Dr. Washington reminded me one day while sitting on his family porch to “give it what it’s worth.”  This reminder to put things in context and prioritize the activities and people that increase my energy. I should never give energy zapping interactions more than what they are worth, and on the flip side, the people and interactions that are “worth” my energy, I should freely give it!  This truth helps me when i’m tempted to give away energy where I should be preserving it.

Those are just a few nuggets of wisdom found in ‘jive-talkin’.”  I hope that you find the wisdom in these statements, and seek out your own JIVE relationships.  They are worth their weight in GOLD!

Peace and Blessings,

T2

“AS YOURSELF:” THE KEY TO ENGAGEMENT AND LIFE.

Some call it ‘the golden rule.’  Others see it as a Biblical command.  Many people hold it as a basic moral principle.  “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you”, also known as “love your neighbor, as you love yourself.”  These timeless principles seem to be a part of many of our various cultural narratives, however, we are living in a time where we seem surprised when someone consistently lives out the principle in their everyday life.

How can this be?  A principle we’ve heard since we were in grade school, and yet we are amazed when we actually see it in action.  I believe there are many reasons why we don’t live this principle in society and leadership, but the most significant reason of all has nothing to do with the external forces we might assume. I believe that most people live the golden rule, the problem is that, most people live the golden rule.  The reason we are often disappointed with people who don’t leave us feeling ‘golden’ has everything to do with them.

From the time we were children, we were told all of the things that were broken, incorrect, dysfunctional and wrong with us as individuals (remember spelling tests?).  Without healthy families and support systems to help us, there was no counter-argument to the self-doubt we picked up while living out our childhood sensibilities.  The systems that we grew up in were not trained nor equipped to teach us all of the wonderful things that  are actually right with us, and many of us never took the opportunity to enter a space to learn what makes us great, nor were we invited to that space.  Therefore, we run into adults who for a myriad of reasons are living in a world where they do not like themselves. A bi-product of this epidemic of self-doubt and hate is the aforementioned ‘broken, incorrect, dysfunctional and wrong” treatment of our fellow human.

We can never live or lead in a way that uplifts humanity and allows us to go ‘further faster’ without an understanding and appreciation of who we are as individuals.  I cannot love you well, until I love myself.  I cannot do for you, until I’ve done to and for myself.

I’ve met some people who have done an analysis of themselves and have walked away celebrating and claiming their heaven-endowed gifts and talents.  There are some common themes I have observed among those people:

1. Recognize the wonder of their uniqueness.  There is a sacred and never-shaken truth that suggests that all human beings were born unique and gifted in some fashion.  These enlightened leaders and healers of our environments not only stand in humble awe of their own unique talents; they recognize, celebrate and stand in awe of other’s gifts as well.
2. Keep ‘short accounts’ with themselves and others.  Leaders who get the “as yourself” approach to leadership and life understand that happiness with yourself is directly connected to the health of the relationships you have with other people.  These people understand the power of forgiveness.  They don’t leave space in their relationships for petty grudges and eye for an eye justice.  Moreover, they are mindful that all of life’s greatest challenges are to be met in concert with others.  We can’t solve problems together if I am holding you and me hostage with unresolved issues.
3. Drive with Love.  Love is both the accelerator and the brake for people who seem to live the golden rule. They clearly understand that it takes a transcendent power like love to drive through all of our past and present hurts and challenges to a place of self-acceptance and appreciation.  They also understand that it takes love to slow down and stop when life’s various off-ramps drive us to feel like diminishing ourselves and others.  Love is in the driver’s seat, and believe me; love is DRIVING in all of the small interactions that make or break relationships.

I am attempting in my life to be a person who surprises people with my capacity to live an “as yourself” approach to life and leading.  I am holding out hope that over time, living like we love who we are won’t be such a surprise.

Peace, Blessings and Love,

T2

THE ART AND PRACTICE OF INTERJECTION

One human phenomenon that drives me absolutely bonkers, and quite frankly moves me quickly toward disengagement is “interruption.”  The more conversations I have with adults, the more floored I am by the struggle we have with having effective communication interactions.  We all have experienced it: we are in a conversation at home or in the workplace and before we can finish articulating our thought, someone abruptly interrupts us with their own story or opinion.  It’s like they have an internal bomb that was activated and set to detonate as you were speaking, and just like that, right in the middle of our sentence…BOOM here come the “I statements.”

Why do we do that?  My guess is because in this highly pressurized, competitive world we are constantly under pressure to assert our relevance and significance. In conversations where we are passionate, we cannot help but try to prove our worth.  Another reason could be much more simple, yet uncomfortable; we as humans can be self-absorbed.  I don’t know about you, but for me, when people interrupt and dive in with their story, I ask myself “how did this become about you?”

When we interrupt people, even when we are not meaning to, we immediately diminish their worth and value, and have decided that our thoughts are more important than that of the other.  This approach to human communication may seem advantageous in the moment, but the truth is, we simply disqualify ourselves from future opportunities of others wanting to share their gifts and ideas with us.  If every conversation is about you, eventually the only authentic conversations you will have, will be with YOU.

As a way to avoid this common communication faux pas, I submit another approach that will help defuse the bomb of self-serving communication that is ticking away inside. AND it allow us to live out our communication in a way that is competent and effective.  This idea came from my friend and colleague, Brian Lam of Improv Effects.  Brian stated there is difference between “interruption” and “interjection.”  Interjection is a way to engage in a dialogue without making the conversation about YOU.  The following table highlights the differences we see between mindful interjectors and seemingly selfish interrupters.

Effectiveness and impact move at the speed of trust.  When we interrupt, we lose trust and as a bi-product we lose the people we need to accomplish our life’s greatest objectives.  Let us ‘interject’ our positivity into the lives of those around us so we will be included in the transformation that is sure to take place because we did.

Peace and Blessings,

T2

THE H3 LEADERSHIP GUY AND I TALKED…

A good friend of our organization, and a brother in leadership to me, Brad Lomenick just released a new book entitled H3 Leadership: Be Humble. Stay hungry.  Always Hustle. I have not read the book yet, but I know Brad. I’d encourage you to grab a copy soon! Brad’s book is not the purpose of this post; however, a conversation I had with Brad about life and leadership is.

Brad and I were blessed to have a conversation about leadership in front of my teammates at our recent leadership retreat. We covered several topics that are important to the ways in which we live our lives. However, my world was rocked at a particular moment in the conversation. While I was channeling my inner Oprah Winfrey, I asked Brad to define leadership. His answer sharpened my view and blew my mind! He said:

“Leadership is all about building platforms for other people to stand on.”

WHOA! My mind was overwhelmed with questions:

• Who is standing on the platforms that I’ve been blessed to build?
• Why do I build platforms?
• With whom am I building the platforms?
• With what tools and resources am I building the platforms?

All of these questions flooded my mind in that powerful moment. I was both humbled and hungered by the aspiration that our world would be a much better place if leaders built platforms for others with the sole purpose of improving the human condition.  What if “paying-it-forward platform leadership” was the norm? What if it was really about lifting up others?

I believe much of what embarrasses us about our nation’s culture is a direct result of decisions made by individual people who did not even consider others and their improvement in their process. What if we figured out a way to live our leadership in a way that provides platforms for others?

In order to live this type of leadership, I believe, we must be inclined to accept these two assumptions:

1. We all have the capacity to build platforms. I firmly believe that each of us is hard-wired with gifts and talents (given to us at birth) that can be used to create something that the world needs. No human being is exempt from this gift.
2. It’s not always about us. Humility is key to transformational leadership.  If everything is about me and for my own pleasure; how do I expect to have anyone else want to join their talents and gifts with mine to create a platform that is greater than anything we could ever do alone?  In order for us to experience abundance in leadership, we have to help others with their platforms and BELIEVE that ours will be a platform of influence and impact because we activated humility.

Talks with Brad are always refreshing. I’m thankful for him and his leadership.  Now its time for me to get back to platform building and watch others soar!

Here’s to a new lens through which we can see our leading. Let’s go build platforms and seek out people to put on them.

Peace and Blessings,

Tim